skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Drinking your own urine can sometimes become an essential means of survival. Make sure your urine is free of toxins and impurities by drinking purified, filtered water, preferably having been processed through a reverse osmosis filter and exposed to ultraviolet light to kill of bacteria. Better still, drink imported bottled water.
At times it is necessary to eat grubs and insects for survival. They may be the only thing to prevent death from starvation. You can overcome their unappetizing nature by preparing them with some shallots, fresh herbs, garlic and a splash of cold-pressed, virgin olive oil. Sprinkle them over some delicately cooked pasta and enjoy with a medium-bodied Shiraz.
When crossing the barren deserts of the Sahel, remember to bring a copious supply of water, it will be your lifeline to survival. Barring water, you may choose to drink any variation of thirst quenchers such as soda water, iced tea, lemonade, sasparilla, a gin and tonic, a Bombay Sapphire martini or whatever else the dining car offers.
When attempting to conquer Everest, make sure to dress appropriately for the freezing temperatures you will encounter as you near the summit. A sturdy woolen coat, scarf, hat and proper leggings ought to suffice.
Climbing Everest in the Summer months is a dangerous affair. This is due to over-crowding and a multitude of climbers, many suffering from pulmonary edema or frostbite. To avoid this, consider climbing Everest in the Fall or better even the Winter when it is less crowded and rates are cheaper.
The Inland Taipan is the most venomous snake in the world, yet most people don't know what they look like. Always travel with a glass-encased, museum quality, mounted replica of a Taipan, preferably in attack pose. To do this, you must first capture a live, wild Taipan and mount it. Once armed with your newly mounted replica, you will have the advantage if you encounter another Taipan on your journeys through the Northern Territory of Australia.
Bears are the most fearsome creatures on the planet (apart from wolverines and ocelots). Yet everyone knows Bears love honey. To avoid attracting bears, use sugar instead of honey during afternoon tea time.
If you find yourself in open water, surrounded by ferocious man-eating sharks, thrash about wildly and scream as loud as possible. This will achieve two things, 1) it should scare the sharks away and 2) after a few days, attract the attention of a passing ship or perhaps a schooner.
If you find yourself on a plane and you suddenly remember that you are a drug mule and you are carrying 5KG of heroin in small condoms inside your stomach, remember to avoid countries where drug trafficking is punishable with the death penalty.
If you lose an appendage, say an arm or a leg, due to a life-and-death struggle with an octopus, remember to train yourself to fight an octopus with only one arm or leg beforehand. This is the only way to defeat the octopus.
Malaria can be the result of mosquito bites in sub-tropic and tropic regions. To avoid getting malaria, get bitten only by the mosquitoes that don't have malaria.
If you find yourself alone, in freezing temperatures, in the middle of the frozen tundra with daylight fading, get yourself to the nearest ski lodge/resort. There you can rent a room, draw a hot bath and sip on hot chocolate in front of a roaring flame. This will insure your core body temperature to return to normal.
If you find yourself in a life-and-death struggle with an Anaconda, always remember one thing -- Anacondas hate the cold. Quickly construct a large walk-in freezer and you'll soon feel the Anaconda's grip loose.
When facing a mountain lion, pretend to be a much bigger and more dangerous animal, say a bear or a shark.
If you find yourself in open water, surrounded by ferocious man-eating sharks, thrash about wildly and scream as loud as possible. This will achieve two things, 1) it should scare the sharks away and 2) after a few days, attract the attention of a passing ship or perhaps a schooner.
Malaria can be the result of mosquito bites in sub-tropic and tropic regions. To avoid getting malaria, get bitten only by the mosquitoes that don't have malaria.
