Vague Recollections of Sir Lord Billingsley III

I vaguely recollect once while I was in the midst of an opium haze in Shanghai, back when it still belonged to the Chinese, I had a rather odd encounter with a scone. In my sweet malaise, I remember being served tea and scones. Suddenly, one of the scones sat up and said, "behold, the Lord Jester, who once was king, now a fool in his greatness." And I looked deep into my soul and understood the truth when I realized, "my God, a talking scone." Wait...no, that's wrong, it wasn't a scone at all, it was an albatross. And it wasn't in China, it was Luxembourg, by God...all I remember is that I was very drunk at the time.

Survival Tip #14:

The Portuguese Man-of-War is a deadly beast with stinging venom tentacles that reach upwards of 50 meters in length (2-3 miles in standard measurements, if my conversion is correct). To avoid being stung by such a creature, do not go to Portugal.