Survival Tip #13:

The blue-ringed octopus is one of the most toxic sea creatures in the world. Avoid the temptation of ordering the tossed, blue-ringed octopus salad as a refreshing starter course as the neurotoxins will cause respiratory and cardiac arrest and possibly death.

How To Survive A Shipwreck Without Resorting to Cannibalism:

There is no way to survive a shipwreck without resorting to cannibalism.

Survival Tip #11:

Never challenge a Spitting Cobra to a Spitting Contest. The Spitting Cobra will not only spit poison in your eyes, blinding you instantly, but it will sink its fangs into your calves releasing a deadly neurotoxic venom into your bloodstream causing necrosis and eventual death. Causing you to lose the Spitting Contest.

Survival Tip #34

The zebra used its black-and-white pattern as successful camouflage for centuries until the invention of color film. It suddenly became very apparent that the zebra pattern matches nothing in the wilds of the Serengeti. Avoid using the zebra pattern as camouflage to avoid being seen by predator.

Survival Tip #1:

If you find yourself in the wilds of Africa facing a ferocious tiger, do not fret, as you are in fact in India, not Africa. Or Sumatra, if it is a Sumatran Tiger.

The Vague Recollections of Sir Lord Billingsley III

I vaguely recollect a story whilst hunting tiger with the Maharaj, a small aboriginal boy whose name escapes me, asking about time. He had been assigned to carry my great Uncle, Lord Winthrop's grandfather clock.

This boy asked what the purpose of carrying such a clock was. I replied, "to tell time, of course." But then he asked, "what use do you have of time in the jungle?" We laughed heartily and sent him on his way.

He died of typhoid weeks later. In all probability, I was very drunk at the time.

Ahh yes, Sanjay or Roger or Jirra or Mogwai was his name...I think.